Whose in Charge?
“Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”
―Genesis 3:16 (ESV)
Note: This was originally written in my prayer journal to my granddaughter Trinity, but is good advice for all of my virtually perfect grandchildren.
My dear Trinity, this verse sums up human history. What is played out on the world stage is only a reflection of what is played out in the homes and families that make up the world.
The hope of the world and the hope of the survival and flourishing of the human race is dependent on a man and woman binding themselves to each other in marriage. This is the fundamental building block of human culture and existence.
But as soon as this happens conflict will arise. The very man you loved so much and committed to spend your life with will become your adversary. Not because he is a bad man but because someone will ultimately need to be ultimately responsible (“in charge”) for your new family and you will want to be that someone. But God commissioned your husband to be that someone.
Now hold that thought a moment and let’s look ahead.
The next passage of Genesis 3 describes how “the fall” (eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Gen.2:9) affected the man (Adam). The result was that his work was cursed (Gen.3:17-19).
But here’s the important part: work was not the curse; Adam was working in the garden long before the curse. And in the same way having a husband that is ultimately responsible to God for the protection and welfare of his wife and children is not a curse, it is a part of God’s design for human flourishing.
The curse is that now every marriage is made up of two people who struggle with a sin nature and that naturally leads to a lot of “discussions” on how the family should be run.
So here’s my advice:
- Don’t allow the curse (bad marriages, and bad culture) to pollute your concept of marriage. Trust God, get married! That is a part of God’s plan for you to be happy and to contribute to human flourishing.
- However, marry a man whom you can respect as your leader, supporter, and defender (your ally and partner).
- Don’t marry a man who is not surrendered to God. No man is worth following through life who is not following Jesus Christ (Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18).
Bottom line, you and your future husband will not be perfect. You will have to work out how you will organize your lives together. Being ultimately responsible doesn’t make your husband a tyrant and dictator. Trust me, teamwork is what makes the team work.
Nana and I are praying both for you and your future husband and we’re trying desperately to be good examples. So, we need you to pray for us too!
Love, Papa
P.S. I ran this by Nana and she approved. It’s called submitting to one another. (Ephesians 5:21)
