Yearly Birthday Letter To My Brother (HUMOR AHEAD)

EACH YEAR MY BROTHER AND I WRITE A BIRTHDAY LETTER SLAMMING EACH OTHER. ENJOY!

Dear Justin,

I wrote this birthday letter days ago. It wasn’t something I could do on your actual birthday. The weight of depression, caused by you being born on November 14 keeps me in bed numb until about midday. I’ve even stopped calling it your birthday. Yes, for you it’s your birthday…but for me, it’s a day of regurgitating everything I eat. Therefore, I refer to your Birthday as my BARFDAY.

I’m guessing you will check your Facebook page for validation on this day, and I do truly hope it helps you. However, you and I both know the truth! Your friends will lie and say nice things; doing the very best they can to bring a little hope into your hopeless life. I don’t roll like that brother. I hit it straight on! I tell you the truth!

Let’s face it, you know deep down as you looked into the mirror this morning the cake your wife and kids will be making for you is just so they can have something sweet to eat. It’s not about you at all. It’s all about the sugar rush that will cause them to forget about you for a few wonderful hours. All your kids would love to get away from you but they are all to young at this point. However, Caleb is a different story.

Allow me to share a dark secret with you. Caleb didn’t go on his mission trip to Brazil to become a man like you told everyone on your Facebook updates. In fact, he has no need to become a man. He has been the man in the family since the day he was born. Caleb went on that trip to Brazil to clear his heart and mind from the shame of having to call you DAD in public all this years. It was freeing for him.

You know that blog where he updated his daily actives while away on JUTTCATION? That’s right, it wasn’t a vacation…it was a JUTTCATION. Well, my dear brother, he had another blog that was set for private, where he vented his frustration toward you for being such a let down in his life. He posted daily at www.mydadisnotthemanhethinksheisbutinsteadisalittlewoundedgirl.com

Blog topics included:
100 reasons I wish my dad was Uncle Steve
50 reasons why I want to be an emancipated minor from my dad
10 reasons I feel shame when I see my dad trying to be manly
500 reasons Uncle Steve would be my dream dad
75 reasons nobody likes my dad
30 ways to avoid hanging out with my dad
12 reasons I know my dad shaves his legs
50 women I know who would make a better dad than my dad

I could list them all but they just get more and more dark. I don’t want to take it to that level. I still have some compassion for you.

Mom called again and was crying. I asked her what was troubling her and she said, “Steve, I’m running out of ways of faking that I’m happy on Justin’s BARFDAY.” I know, I know, I know! I was blown away also that she used the same term to label your Birthday as I do. Crazy stuff! I got her through it once again and she will be calling you soon. Just know I told her all the kind things to say. You can thank me later.

Finally, I must add something about all the houses you are renovating. You do a great job! You take a piece of junk and turn it into a beautiful home people not only want to see, but also they want to buy. My prayer is that you would find someway to do that with your life. Sadly, it will never happen. You know and I know it. Happy BARFDAY.

All joking aside I love you with all my heart. You are a godly father and a true man of God. You set life goals and you pursue them with grace and style. If there was a more intimate term than brother, I would surly use it. I’m proud of all that you are and are becoming. The best years are ahead of you. I celebrate this day with you…YOUR BIRTHDAY. You are a gift from God. I still remember the day you were brought home from the hospital and placed in your crib. I would watch you for hours. I was so overjoyed to have a little brother. I’m still overjoyed and will always have your back. I love you and wish you the best birthday ever. Justin Wright, you are a gift to the world.

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Yearly Birthday Letter From My Brother (Funny Stuff) My Book Free Today Only!–It’s My Spiritual Birthday