Is domestic violence valid grounds for divorce? And can such a woman remarry if a Christian?
Discussion
51 comments
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Love protects. So get to safety.
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Once physical violence enters the marriage, the marriage is over.
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He has abandoned the marriage. Get out before je kills you and/or your kids. Violence is progressive, I know, I was married to an abuser
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Absolutely ! The Bible is full of countless verses instructing us to avoid abuse, toxic people and evil.
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I do believe that domestic violence is unfaithfulness and a violation of the Scriptural edict concerning the husband’s responsibility to love his wife and give himself for her as Christ gave Himself for the Church and died for same (Ephesians 5:25). I believe a woman is free to leave an abusive relationship and my Lord does NOT expect her to remain faithful to a man that does not honor her as the weaker vessel. Can this woman remarry subsequent to leaving an abusive relationship? I don’t know but I do recommend the divorced woman seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit in this matter so that peace and intimacy with our Lord can be realized.
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Get up.
Get out.
Get away. -
In answer to the second part: as tragic as it is, I haven’t found any evidence in the Bible to suggest that re-marriage is okay while the ex-partner is still alive.
I’d welcome any evidence to the contrary! -
If a marriage covenant is struck, that marriage is a covenant. If the person lied about who they were, a drug dealer, a violent abuser, a hitman, a terrorist, then that person manipulated you into marriage under false pretenses. Now, divorce can’t happen just because one is not happy. But if he married you just to use you and abuse you, and lied under false pretenses, then the Covenant was a forgery to begin with. The marriage is not a marriage, but a lie, as he had no intention of treating you like a wife
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Yes—and the abuse doesn’t have to be “just physical.” Mental abuse can break a heart and deplete a soul the same way a hard hit can break a bone or leave a scar.
That woman deserves to know the love of Christ in a healthy marriage, just like any of the rest of us. So, yes! ? -
This is a very delicate subject that should be traversed gracefully but in truth.
I’m reading a lot of comments and they seem to be emotionally charged but factually and Scripturally inaccurate.
Biblically speaking, the only grounds for divorce is sexual immorality, not violence. Jesus is not for divorce. See what’s said here:
“And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.””
Matthew 19:3-6 ESVThe question posed is “is it lawful to divorce for any reason?” Jesus answered, “what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Later they talk about Moses’ certificate of divorce. Jesus said that Moses allowed that because of the hardness of hearts. Jesus replied, if the man divorces except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery. Again, Jesus is not for divorce.
Is the husband supposed to love his wife as Christ loves His church? Obviously. Does the man perfectly live up to that? Obviously not. So to say, “Christ never abused His bride so that person is not a husband, etc., go ahead and divorce” is unbiblical.
Should the man dwell with his wife in an understanding way? Of course. But again, the husband not doing that isn’t grounds for divorce.
One verse I see y’all skipping over though is this:
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
1 Peter 3:1-2 ESVThis is a husband who does not submit to or follow Christ.
Also,
“To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.”
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 ESVSeparate her means divorce for how is she to remain unmarried if she didn’t divorce?
Now with all of that said, in this situation should the wife physically distance herself from her husband? Definitely. There are too many scenarios to say something specific (both in church, one believer one unbeliever, two different faith backgrounds, etc.) but again, with domestic violence, physical distancing/separation is wise; maybe with family, friends, their own place, etc. but get out of there as soon as possible. Then start giving hard choices; “either counseling or handcuffs.”
Is she a believer? Seek godly counsel from faithful pastors and elders.
There are just WAY too many scenarios that play into this, but surface level, Scripturally, domestic violence is not valid grounds for divorce. And as a Christian, she cannot remarry unless to her husband.
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There’s no biblical grounds for a divorce because of domestic violence, but look, I’m not going to tell a woman to stay in a marriage that she’s getting beat up in. Y’all can judge me if you want.
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In a perfect world it’s black and white, and sin and still sin, however, the grace of Christ through his atonement allows grey areas. As in, his blood washes our sins so we can start fresh.
So, I think if a woman is in a bad marriage she is able to divorce and remarry, however, she needs to focus on her relationship with Christ before she focuses on a new relationship with a man. Once she does then she needs to trust God to lead her, and if God brings a godly man in her life, and they both understand their role and have strong relationship with Christ they can start fresh together. This is my view at least.
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The issue here is that an abuse can occur, and be forgiven. A pattern of abusive, destructive behavior shows that the marriage covenant was never valid, as it was entered under false pretenses. If you are a closet terrorist, drug dealer, or murderer, or using someone to come into the country, or abusive and just pretending to be nice, the marriage is a sham and no real covenant was made. God killed Ananias and Sapphira for entering a covenant with God under false pretenses. People who are intending to control and abuse their spouse, don’t love them, and it shows they manipulated the pre marriage relationship just to abuse them and control them in the marriage. That is certainly not the definition of a marriage covenant.
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oj simpson can give the best answer.
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It is grounds for a divorce. Ephesians 5:22 – 33 reminds us that any man that loves his wife loves himself. And any man who hates his wife hates himself. One who hates himself has already committed suicide in his heart…so you would be a widow to such an abomination of a man from the time he first strikes you. A woman would then fall under the guidelines of 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 which would allow one to remarry under the correct circumstance. If anyone tells you to stay in an abusive relationship, that is the devil talking and NOT a Hebrews 13:2 “angel”. ?
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I have had studied this topic extensively. Being a victim of D.A. for many years.
There are two biblical grounds for divorce, adultery and desertion by unbelieving spouse.
Read this, and pray about this and speak to your elders in the church about this:
This helped me 3 years ago.
“What does the Bible says about divorce for domestic abuse?” Does the Bible allows divorce for domestic abuse, and the key text for this is 1 Corinthians 7:15 – But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. For God has called us to peace.This verse has been generally assumed to relate to desertion: when an unbelieving spouse walks out, abandoning a marriage with a Christian spouse, but not legally divorcing them. However, in the Greek text the word “depart” (chorizo) means “to place space between, to separate” and it was one of the standard terms for legal divorce in the first century. Typically, perpetrators of abuse do not walk out of their marriages – they want to stay in the relationship because they enjoy the power, privilege and control they obtain therein. So the victim of abuse thinks this verse does not apply to her. However, when correctly understood, it is the verse which gives her freedom.When applying 1 Corinthians 7:15, the key question is not “Who walked out?” but “Who caused the separation?” Would it be sensible to say that David was the sinful rebellious one when he left Saul’s court? No, he left because of Saul’s abuse. David left, but Saul was the cause of his leaving. If we translate the word chorizo as “separate” we see this more clearly: if the unbeliever separates, let him separate. The unbeliever is doing the separating; the believer is commanded to let it be done. This tells the believing spouse (and the church) to allow the marriage to be over, because the unbeliever has destroyed the covenant. It permits the victim of abuse to take out a legal divorce. Let there be chorizo = let there be separation = let there be legal divorce, because the word chorizo means both separation and divorce.
In Not Under Bondage I also show that since the brother or sister is not under bondage, the victim of abuse is free to remarry a new partner (unlike the instance in 1 Cor. 7:10-11 where marriage to a new partner was forbidden).
In saying that though,as a professional who works with domestically abused victims – get out and get away. The sooner the better. It will destroy you and your children physically, emotionally and spiritually too.
If you need any help please feel free to inbox me.
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Stephen was stoned to death, this may apply with brute husband. Women should not nag him like continuous water drip drip drip. Women should keep quiet and answer gently to turn away wrath.
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Get out of an abusive relationship as soon as you can. The Lord will understand. Take care.
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this is all written in the Chapter of 1 Corinthians 7.. U can see what it say on Divorce and Abuse of Domestic Violence… But Just Saying Our Father God will Forgive Woman if she Leave Him because He was a Abuse to Her, but might (maybe) not Forgive Her on Divorce (Papers), but she will get Forgiveness from the Divorce (papers) if she Repent of what she did (Verse for that Mark 10:12), but Remember this there will always be Forgiveness and Understanding from Father God what she did it, As he Understand All..
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Domestic abuse violates the marriage vows and are outward expressions of denying Christ as Master.
1 Corinthians 7:13 “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”
Abuse is a clear indication the spouse is an unbeliever who doesn’t want a marriage partner but rather, a slave. The abuser had already left the marriage by not treating the spouse as God calls them to. So there is grounds for divorce in situations as these.
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That’s pretty commonsensical.. Think about it. If your sister or daughter is being beaten up by their husband, would you advise them to stay? Besides, the spouse is already disregarding Scripture telling them to love and respect their wives.
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The Bible doesn’t speak about domestic violence per se within marriage, but if a pastor or a Christian told a woman to stay with an abusive partner then they are just as responsible for what happens to her. If you are in a place of domestic violence, please don’t stay with the man – get yourself to a safe place as soon as you can and once your safety and future is secured you can work out the theology then. If you feel you need to remain married but separated then do, but please don’t put yourself in danger – God does NOT ask you to.
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God calls us to live in peace and to love one another!But more so the marriage covenant is a sacred institution made by God!
Marriage is always about two equals, who being made in the image of God, are taking solemn vows of love and respect, protection and provision, devotion and faithfulness, and uniting together in the lifelong care of one another to become family.
God values this covenant so much that it is described as the two being united as one flesh. If then a spouse is abusive, violent, harmful, hateful, mean, cruel, dangerous or just plain cheating in adulterous affairs, then this is about unfaithfulness. The sacred marriage covenant is broken. A spouse cannot both love his/her mate and cause harm and injury to them simultaneously. Any attacks from one partner on the other partner that causes harm (either by physical or emotional abuse) is against God’s commands. We are not to be married to an abuser or a cheater, and the institution of Christian marriage is founded in the laws of Christ and that is to love one another like Christ loves the Church.
Furthermore, when Christians read such passages in Scripture as the love chapter of 1 Corinthians 13, how are Christian spouses going to ignore that and allow evil into their union and think that the suffering and heartache of one abused spouse is living out God’s plan for marriage? We are to have reverence for such a union. And love. Not to live in harm or to live on a battleground or to be in danger of attacks against us. So yes ! Abuse is a criteria in the definition of marital unfaithfulness. It is anti-love, which has broken the law of Christ in the home and shatters the family – both of which destroys the heart of the very institution set up by God in marriage – that of loving protection and lifelong union. An abused spouse is not called to stay in an unfaithful marriage.
Get help, get out, get going. -
Are you asking because this is something you have already done, or are you looking to get out of an abusive marriage.
Get away from an abuser, you are not under any obligation to be abused.
That being said I think a person who has escaped am abusive marriage should stay single, and let God work out the post-traumatic stress. -
Do not kill,is a command,love your wife and don’t kill her her ,a man can be hooked. On pornography and has already committed adultery.So do not judge Go deeper what really mean to kill and divorce
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There are two legitimate reasons for a woman to divorce a man; infidelity and desertion. Abusing your wife is abandoning her, the wife should leave and divorce such a man to protect her life and the life of her children. She should be supported by the church not judged.
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And now I’m out of here. You people do know that telling a woman she can’t divorce if she is getting beaten has lead to women being killed by their abusers? I can’t believe “christian” people would pretty much tell a woman she can’t divorce if she is getting beat clearly those of you saying it’s not grounds for abuse don’t know your bible at all and I was here for good solid people not people who twist the Bible to enable abuse.
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Don’t cover your garment with the wrong of domestic violence. Religious people defending violence appalling.
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My new husband hit me with his fist and I proceeded to teach him a lesson that two can play that game. He never raised a hand to me again until I got pregnant when i wouldn’t fight back. He kept me locked up in the bedroom. He tore all my clothes up. One day when he was gone I got out in a bathrobe. I was eight months pregnant. My family paid my airline ticket. I never looked back. I was single for six years until I met my soul mate in church. We’ve been married for 30 years.
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The implication of the 6th commandment is that we are to do all we can to protect our own lives, and the lives of others. Physical abuse (gone unrepentant) is most definateley grounds for divorce, given that their pastor is actively involved in reconciliation counseling and giving proper guidance.
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God hates divorce but He is a loving Father. He would NEVER want His children to be abused by their partner. I am shocked at some of these responses.
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I found this while scrolling as I drift off to sleep, but I’ll give a brief answer. My theory is that, going to the deepest level of marriage, it is entirely possible to classify spousal abuse as sexual immorality. Thus, yes, it is grounds for divorce.
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Yes, she can divorce him and yes she can remarry.
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I left my ex-husband because of how abusive he was. He was going to kill me one day. I have remarried and am happy. I don’t think Jesus would want me to get beat up.
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My view, if the individual commiting the violence does not stop, they are not following God. If they refuse to love you properly, it is appropriate to leave for safety.
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This isnt a debate people!
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If the abuser is a member of the church, the elders have a duty to bring him/her to discipline. No, I don’t believe it is…but the church also has a duty to protect her, and not send her back into that situation until he has not only repented in word, but also in action. She should not be criticised for separating from him. But no, she is not free to remarry.
If she is a believer, and he is not, then I don’t believe she should stay, and I would regard this as being the same as him leaving…he has, in effect, driven her from the home. In that, I might think she is free to divorce.
However, this is also the a time of great repentence, and a time to forgive. If it is genuine. -
Thank you all for your responses to this issue I raised. It is evident that there are different options and positions on this subject based on how we interpret and understand the word.
Now let me share an unfortunate experience. We had a case of a sister who was married to a pastor. It was evident that this sister was being battered and abused in her marriage. Each time she runs away to her parents who will ask her to go back to her husband. Each time she sought refuge in the church and church leadership will intervene with counseling that ends up with her going back to her husband. All these were based on the biblical interpretation that God hates divorce and infidelity is the only grounds for divorce. I have held onto this interpretation until the unfolding tragedy made me to re-examine the scriptures deeply.
One day everyone noticed that this sister was no longer attending services for the past week and so her husband the pastor. The parents went to their house to look for their daughter but found the house locked up. They broke open the doors and got inside the house and found their daughter dead with thirty-six stab wounds. The children were nowhere to be found along with the husband. When the husband was eventually found by the police he claimed he traveled out with his kids while leaving the wife at home. The man was arrested and facing murder trial.
I strongly believe that any woman or spouse in a marriage characterised by violence should please leave and file for divorce . Such woman is free to remarry. God is faithful and merciful. Christ has also not called us into bondage. The law is made for man and not man for the law. A violent husband is an unfaithful husband and such marriage is in violation of the principles underlying the covenant as outlined by Paul in Ephesians. The husband must love his wife just as Christ for the Church. He must sanctify her with the water of his word and present her without spots and blemishes or bruises. Violent marriages don’t meet these criteria and therefore should not be considered a covenant.
Finally i pray that none of my daughters should find themselves with husband’s like this Pastor. If such should ever beat any of my daughters as the Lord liveth and so long as I am alive that son in-law would see me in my animal for. I will cancel his star and he will breath his last. Let God judge both of us. I won’t keep my daughters in abusive and violent marriages. I am teaching them to stand up and file for divorce. Never tolerate abusive relationship in the name of misguided interpretation of the bible. Thank God that I have those who believe just as I do that domestic violence is a justifiable basis for divorce. The law says so and the law cannot be better than the bible in respecting sensible rights to protection of life.
May you all stay blessed -
In the old testament the men were abusing the divorce because they just wanted to be with someone else…..In the new Testament Jesus was talking of just cause see text below…..”But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Matthew 5:32 ESV
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Yes and Yes. They broke their vow to God to love honor and cherish,
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Yes! and Yes!
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There is nothing valid for divorce. Love conquerors all
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If the church knew the purpose of marriage, we would not even be debating about divorce.
The purpose of marriage is to depict the image of the One True God; and the two shall become one= Peace. If you are One, how then do you seek to be made two again. When you seek your interests in a marriage instead of seeking God’s interests, you will end up getting disappointed and choosing to divorce. Herein you are a natural man without the eyes of Christ. If God has forgiven us so much, who are we not to forgive and choose to separate talking of irreconcilable differences. If we have God in the picture, then we can’t fail in marriage. Problem is, we think we own the marriage, but everything was created for God’s pleasures. In you seeking to be One, you are pleasing God. When we reason marriage like the people of the world, we will fail at it. How about we begin to see marriage with God at the center because He owns it. God is love and He never fails. Have this mindset, every time you tell your spouse “I love you”= you just said “I God you”
Ephesians 5:25, husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any blemish, but holy and blameless……. When your spouse messes themselves, as a God child, you cleanse them, you help them them get better so that you present them to you without blame, not divorcing them. If God found you in adultery, does He disown you? Or the Holy Spirit reminds you of the blood of Christ that is always there to cleanse you so you come back to your position as a child of God. Now we think we are so great and can’t forgive others!!!!
As long as we see marriage in sight of mere men, we will find all reasons to divorce
But marriage is owned by God, when you see it that way, you will seek to please God and leave to cling till death do you part, no matter the hurdles that may come your way -
Just an observation. It is amazing the number of men who say “No, you cannot divorce him.” Wow. The legalism here is over-the-top.
Guys, remember this. We are to be the protector. We have to love our wives more than life itself and be willing to part with this life if need be. If we are not respecting and loving our lives as Christ loves the Church, what are we doing?
Do you listen to yourselves? If a woman’s life is at stake our first responsibility is to protect them, not feed them to the wolves.
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A christian can only re- marry if the husband or wife is dead.
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I really don’t know the Bible most of us are reading now days. I don’t know the God most of us claim to know. But I know a God who is merciful and compassionate. I know of a God whose grace has given us what we don’t deserve. I know of a God who was abused and didn’t abuse back. If plucking off His beard, spitting on Him, flogging Him, making Him carry the cross in the state He was in was not abuse that we are claiming here as a deal breaker for our marriages, then what is!!!
The bible you say allows you to divorce because of infidelity, is the same bible that commands you to forgive seventy times seven. Many times we need to get off our high horse of self righteousness and allow Christ to work in and through us both to will and to do of His own pleasure. So who is worse between the one who abuses the other in marriage and the one who refuses to submit to the word of God and refuses to forgive and give love but instead walks away. The two are the same, there’s no greater sin, you both have disobeyed God by failing to walk in Love and show His image. The best picture of salivation, Christ and the church is marriage. Jesus could have refused to walk the cross because He was mistreated by the same people He was dying for BUT He humbled Himself even to the point of death on the cross. Because He loved you and me.So I still maintain love conquers all, whether you are being abused, whether there are no children in the marriage, whether there is no money, whether infidelity occurs. The problem we don’t want yield to God, we think it’s all about us, acknowledge that very marriage doesn’t belong to you but belongs to God. You are a steward and not the owner. The reason you agree with divorce because you think you own, But it’s required for a steward to be faithful. Love is the most excellent way and it distinguishes those who fear and follow God from those that don’t.
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A woman should NEVER settle for that kind of treatment. Demand respect at all costs. If you love your man then don’t let him act that way.
There comes a point when domestic violence is grounds for divorce because it is progressive. It can end in murder. God is merciful and I believe he would be understanding if a woman did remarry after leaving a marriage of unending abuse.
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Well I don’t think someone who is habitually abusing is a true believer because that isn’t love.
I’ve been divorced because I felt like the domestic violence was not worth my life. Isn’t God who I should idolize and adore, not an abusing unloving unforgiving spouse ? That isn’t love. Love is gentle love is kind Love does not demand its own way
I love God and he knows my heart. -
Any bible interpretation that is devoid of the love, wisdom, justice and power of God has no truth and life in it. Such interpretation is simply law. And law is rooted on the letter and not the spirit. The letter kills but the spirit gives life
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