Should Christian men and women cut ties with their guy and girl friends As soon as they get married?
Discussion
51 comments
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I believe it depends on the situation. I have some friends I no longer speak to regularly, and some who are very good friends now. My wife is always present when they’re around so theres nothing to question.
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My husband and I as a rule don’t spend time alone with the opposite sex out of respect for each other and to not put ourselves in situations where inappropriate things could happen.
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If complications are arising, yes.
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It would depend. If the person is single then keep them at arms length. If you must see them and they are of the opposite sex, I assumed that’s what you meant, then your spouse should accompany you. If they are married too then there is no reason to. But again your spouses should be with you when you are hanging out.
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If you mean wives that have male friends, and husbands who have female friends? Yes and no, if they only see that friend when their partner is with them, or for lunch with a group, then that would be fine, but no married person should be spending one one time with some one of the opposite sex. It simply isn’t healthy for the marriage.
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Like if your girlfriend gets married should you still hang with her? Might be wierd…
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Avoid the appearance of evil
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Yes. Old flames can be a temptation and can ruin marriage.
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Depends on the individual relationships and many factors….
I personally feel like spouses (or potential spouses) ought to be fully trusted until they provide a reason not to (red flags (even many) are not always a reason to distrust either), each person should be mindful and respectful of the other’s insecurities and development in the area of insecurities, and they should both respect each-other’s premarital, unromantic friendly relationships.
After all, Its not right to expect someone whom you say you love and ought to trust, to just cut ties with friends they’ve known for a long time, for no reason other than you have insecurities… thats not love and thats not trust, and someone who has such doubts probably shouldn’t be marrying in the first place until the baseless insecurities and doubts are resolved. If you cant trust your spouse, whats the point??? And what kindof miserable existence is that? A paranoid marriage?Im not married, but when I do get married, say my wife and I go on a vacation with another couple who are our good friends. Say in the morning, me and the OTHER wife want to get coffee at place A, but my wife and other husband want to try tea at place B… I say, lets split up and meet back up after we’re all caffeinated according to our choice! Why distrust one another if you have no reason to? Why marry or be friends with someone you cant trust?
And as heartbreaking and difficult as it is, in the big picture, say your spouse cheats and you find out… well what have you really lost? An unfaithful and deceptive person? Who you’ll never know what and how long you’ve ever been able to trust them?Furthermore, I can tell you that a couple can live together, drop in on eachother’s workplaces frequently, have open access to eachother’s phones and social media, share children and goals and finances and everything together, AND STILL one of them can cheat with regularity in secret!
Opportunity and tools to do so are simply everywhere these days. Trust has never been more necessary and never have people been more helpless to keep tabs on another…
Yet again I say, you shouldn’t even want to or feel like you have to.This is all why you keep Christ first, set GRACIOUS standards high, pick carefully, dont settle (humanly speaking, we all fall short and need grace), and once you’ve done so, give Christ and your partner all of you—everything—including trust!
And maintain your own integrity!!If someone cheats, well now you know who they are. At that point you have the Christian liberty to forgive or divorce. And! Don’t ever stray far enough from Christ that suicide or homicide is even a temptation under such circumstances. Deal with it the way Christ would have you.
But dont live your life and impose marital rules based on fears of infidelity. If the fear or reason to distrust is THAT great, dont marry in the first place.
If someone has a unique temptation to cheat, or a uniquely strong temptation to distrust, than it needs to be said and addressed accordingly of course… But thats where the honesty should begin. And the focus of any rules or agreements should be on killing the temptation to sin, not killing one another’s liberties…
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Even the greatest of believers will fall into temptation. Men should pastor men and woman should pastor woman.
If you are married, your spouse should be your everything, including your best friend.
I have lost my husband to adultery due to female friendships. I too have been guilty of having conversations with the opposite sex that became inappropriate.
If you are committed to one person, ex girlfriends, ex wife’s, and female friends need to keep at arms length or forgotten all together.
If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. -
Of course not : why ? ?
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Yes. Christian or not. I mean in the sense of being alone with the opposite sex. It isn’t appropriate in a committed relationship.
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Yep
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Yes
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No. Absolutely not. Be open and honest with your wife about everything. If you do that, there’s nothing to worry about.
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Depends on the culture. Coming from a culture that sees marriage as a prime status, men and women are advised by the elderly pastors etc, once married not to engage in any friendship except it is very very casual with the opposite sex. Because your single friends will “snatch your wife/ husband” by giving bad advice etc”. It’s a bit hard as most of my mates and friends I grew up with are married and so have moved on to a different cycle of friends. But hey we move on and find new single friends. Lol. You are only welcome back into the group when you get married. Because now you are a safe person.
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Protect your marriage from every angle
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Not cut ties but not put themselves in compromising situations.
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I believe that the vows do say “forsaking all others”, no?
Look, getting married is a big step and changes everything. If you’re a guy with a female bestie, she’s just going to have to get used to the fact you chose a wife and devoting to building a life with her.
If you and the bestie can’t reconcile it, perhaps you should have married the bestie?
Same goes for a female with the “he’s like a brother” type too.
In marriage you choose your spouse every day. Choosing over the bestie, and the “brother”. If you can’t do that, stay out of marriage. -
No, if they were friends while you were with your partner before marriage why not after.
Now making guy or girl friends after marriage I think is tricky and communication with your partner is more important then anything else if you do try to make a friendship with the opposite sex after marriage.
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Not necessarily. But the relationship may need to change.
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No. People still need their support groups. Somethings should change tho. Communicating with their partner about what behavior is and isn’t acceptable. Also trusting them to keep their part. I think a lot of spouses who have opposite gender best friends really need to have a conversation with both their spouse and their friend. Currently being in a similar situation (not married yet), I found it necessary to make it clear that my friend really is just a friend and reassured my partner. The friend should also understand that the spouse is the main person in the their married friend’s life now and they come second and need to be okay with it. And the spouse needs to realize that their partner’s life doesn’t solely revolve around them and that they will/do have other friends
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The relationship likely will have to change, and if the person of the opposite can’t become a friend of the new spouse it likely will need to end, or be very limited. We have to remember that we are not only to not cheat on our spouse, but we are also TO PROTECT OUR MARRIAGE FROM DOUBT. If you let doubt creep in, your marriage will be very hard. If you cherish your spouse, as God intended, then you won’t allow that to happen. AKA: No private conversations, no closed doors (even in a public office space or similar), things like that.
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I guess it would depend on the history with those friends and whether it bothers your spouse.
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Why not? Are both of you so insecure of each other you can’t look at someone else of a different gender without causing a fight? Platonic love is different than the one with spouse.
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As a single person, I know for me I wouldn’t personally put myself in a spot to where I am alone with someone else’s husband unless we’ve known each other for a long time. But I honestly see nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex as long as there’s trust and understanding there.
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No. A friend is a friend as long as it doesn’t extend farther than is appropriate.
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If they ever dated, yes!
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Bad company corrupts good character. If they can’t build you up in Christ, find some that can.
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It’s all about having clear God honoring boundaries.
Basically if it either disobeys God’s commandments or makes your spouse feel uncomfortable, then it is not worth the loss of your marriage. Unless, it is my sister, daughter, or mother, I will never be alone with another woman, out in public or private, that is not my wife. Billy Graham lived by this rule, and I highly respect and support it. -
I am a single Christian and I (as well as my single daughter) have been treated horribly by other Christians simply because we are single. Many Christians do not believe that men and women should be friends with people of the opposite sex (mainly singles). They have declared themselves the judge, jury and executioner and condemned us without knowing us. People say that the flesh is weak so don’t put yourselves into “situations”. Well – what is the difference if the person of the opposite sex is married or single? If you are going to be tempted…it won’t matter whether the other person is married or not. This whole thing is referred to as the “Billy Graham Rule” and I think it is more damaging than good. If you have a marriage that is centered in Christ – your marriage will be solid. Put God first. Put your faith and trust in the Lord and He will take care of you. We moved to the “bible belt” 3 years ago and just moved back home because of the Billy Graham Rule. We were left out of almost everything with our church because we are single. The rejection was very hurtful and affected us deeply. A man can be attracted to any woman and a woman can be attracted to any man. It doesn’t matter whether they are married or not. What it ultimately comes down to is the persons morals and integrity.
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No. Especially if they church friends.
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You probably mean ex- boy friend and ex-girlfriends than yes.
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We should not cut the body of Christ in half.
There is no reason why married men and married women should not be friends with other people of both genders.
For example – if a man is married, and his wife is literally the ONLY female he ever talks to, then he is forever going to be shocked at the female perspective and will be telling her that she is only one he knows who thinks like that, and only the male perspective will seem rational and reasonable to him.
Whereas, a married man (who is faithful, obviously) who has women as co-workers and as christian friends, he will able to better understand women in general.
There is no need to cut off a person from the entire opposite gender, ever, whether they are married or single.
To be pure before married, and to be faithful within marriage, that’s a moral choice and has nothing to do with a need to simply avoid all of the opposite gender.
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As a man whose closest friends are mostly female, I believe that would actually be a grave sin, as it would be extremely unloving. Be honest with, and loyal to your spouse, and ensure she (or he, if you’re the wife) is priority 1, and commit to the Lord. No need for any unpleasantries or heartbreak.
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Not cut ties but yeah. No relationship especially if the guy/girlfriend is a former prospective mate
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Depends on Your Intentions
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They should break off ties with ex-girlfriends and boyfriends and spouses unless co-parenting is involved and if so, contact should be limited to co-parenting. As far as opposite sex friends who they never dated do not have to break off all contact but should never go anywhere with an opposite sex friend without their spouse. Best to get together as groups. Spouse should know who friends and aqaintences are and approve of them. If spouse is uncomforable with opposite sex frirends, should drop them. If same sex friends, should not have to drop for spouse, or family members.
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Depends. Every couple has their own philosophy I have had a close platonic friend (never anything sexual) who is a woman for 20 years. We both have spouses now. Our boundaries are a little different, and our spouses are now a part of our hang outs. In fact, her husband and I have become good friends and we hang out on our own all the time!
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Social distancing ? to those of them (opposite sexes) to flee from the virus “SIN”
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I say that distancing yourself from friends after marriage is a very good idea. I don’t know how may marriages have been destroyed by “best friends” lusting after a wife or husband.
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i think We should not Look them as we are Different to them but We are the same as them before as “FALLEN CREATURES” but now we are new Creatures in CHRIST we should be a Good testimony to them Reach them or show them the Power of the GOSPEL the way We live on it.
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They should only communicate with that friend when their spouse is there or within earshot.
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Keeping friends from when you were single is often a strain on a new marriage, especially if those friends are not believers.
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If either partner absolutely must have friends of the opposite sex, and the partner is comfortable with it, then create a WhatsApp friends group.
There should be nothing said between two friends of the opposite sex, that cannot be said in-front of their respective partners.
That way everybody is happy and everybody is accountable.
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Who did God tell us to cling to. ” your wife or your husband” Friends are on the back burner.
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This requires wisdom
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what kind of question that? Maybe you should not have gotten married chico
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Thats up to you.
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I don’t think cutting ties is necessary especially when the friends are good ones. ( Christians or very well behaved one’s). Like I used to have a friend who was dating numerous guys, I would be the one to be advising her to stop such behavior. She got married and it looks like she’s cutting ties with all her friends including me who was always advising her. So as I said if ties should be cut, it should be for the bad friends not the good ones
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