I look at the calendar, see that tomorrow is December 2 and in an instant, I am transported to December 2, 1979. That date is ingrained in my brain. This was the height of disco mania, and I had been partying hard for several days in a row with no sleep, going on cocaine and amphetamines and drinking heavy. I knew I had to come down and get some sleep because I had to get back to work the next day, after having 4 days off, so I took several quaaludes and tried to go to sleep. The chemical mixture in my body had other ideas, as soon my heart was pounding so hard that I thought it was going to come right through my chest. My brother, who was going through a divorce at the time was staying at my house and was asleep on the couch, and I went in and woke him up and told him that I thought I was going to die. He talked with me for a few minutes and took my pulse and decided he had better call an ambulance. They rushed me to the ER and I was hospitalized. I spent the entire month of December in the hospital. I basically had damaged a valve in my heart, something I still deal with today... but the reason they kept me so long is that they were convinced that I had attempted suicide because of the massive amount of drugs in my system. I was never able to convince them that it was not a suicide attempt, which is why they kept refusing to release me from the psych unit. I finally told the shrink that I had in fact attempted suicide but that I was no longer suicidal and that I regretted my attempt. That did the trick and they let me go home 3 days later, on January 5. I never could figure that one out, because I had been so suicidal at that point, had been hospitalized several times, and I never denied that fact, but on this one, they refused to believe that it was an accident. At any rate, every year when December 2 rolls around, I kind of do a flash back in my mind and remember, first and foremost, that I am lucky to be here... and I thank God for the transformed life I now have. Sometimes it is really hard to believe that I actually lived that life. It almost seems like something I saw in a movie or read in a book. That old me is long gone... thank you Jesus!
