Finding the right people and protecting yourself from the wrong ones. (Part 1)

“There is tremendous internal pressure to comply with the norms of the group. The reward of being accepted is often greater than the reward of finding truth. Most days, we’d rather be wrong with the crowd than be right by ourselves.” __James Clear, Atomic Habits

One of the most important factors to your success and happiness will be the people you associate with and align yourself with.  Developing the skill of assessing people’s character is vital.

It should come as no surprise that the Proverbs deal with this.  Proverbs 6:12-15 provides a good template that I plan to work through over the next few days. 

Using this passage as our guide I will walk us through four checkpoints in assessing whether or not we should associate with someone.

• First: Listen to what they say (Proverbs 6:12). 

It should go without saying that they should speak truthfully.  But that is seldom enough.  Truth must be managed.  Truth can be used to heal or kill, encourage or discourage, guide or deceive.   

Yes, truth is seldom enough, for something can be true, but not spoken truthfully.  

Honestly, I’d look for people who mostly keep their mouth shut.  Better to hang out with people who live the truth than people who are always babbling the truth. 

The truth is, most often, the truth should be spoken sparingly and wisely, like sprinkling salt on a dish – too much and you ruin it, just enough and you make it ten times better.    

I know, that’s odd to say.  But remember the proverb of Jesus: “Don’t cast your pearls before swine” (Matthew 7:6). 

Jesus is not teaching us to be elitist or insulting, Jesus is reminding us to be discriminating and wise.  Jesus is acknowledging that many times people are not open to the truth or are not capable of understanding the truth.  Finesse and timing is required. 

And one more thing to look for: Tone.

Welding truth like using a sledge hammer is never appropriate unless you are talking to rocks.  You can be right but dead wrong in how you say it. 

Bottom line…

The ONE THING for today: The number one thing skill in determining whether or not you want to include someone in your circle of friends and associates is to listen them.   Content, timing and tone is everything.     

We’ll look at the second skill next time.