The Eight Stages of a Married Man’s Life

“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
― Dan Rather

Stage one: After the wedding your new bride jumps in the car with you and thinks you can do no wrong.  This doesn’t last long—enjoy it.

Stage two: Your wife observes that you can do wrong—especially while driving.  She is kind, she remains silent.  This season can last a long time—be thankful.

Stage three: Your wife wants to live, she begins making “suggestions” on how you can drive better.  You resent this and push back self-righteously. Afterall, what do women know about driving?

Stage four: Your wife persists in making suggestions.  You learn to ignore it, but you’re still resentful.

Stage five: Your wife endures in her persistence.  You begin to suspect that she may be right.

Stage six: You begin to appreciate and even count on your wife’s suggestions.  (This is the stage I’m currently in.)

Stage seven: You switch sides and your wife drives you around. Whatever you do, don’t make suggestions!  (This is the stage my dad’s in.)

Stage eight: Your wife follows you in the car behind the hearse that carries your body to your final resting place.  All the journeys before that final journey will be what determines how she feels. 

The ONE THING for today: Fellows, keep your hands firmly on the wheel as long as you can, but don’t forget the woman sitting in the passenger seat…and don’t stop listening to her.