The Matt Smith Guide to Attraction.

Now that we are past all the Valentine's Day super-emotional crap, some people are still looking for significant others.

However, some are hindered in this endeavor by some very small, but very important, "roadblocks" to attraction.

Thus, this guide is intended to inform women on some general behavioral traits that men find attractive. This is NOT a guide on physical attraction; merely a guide to "It annoys me SO MUCH when she does this!"

All information here is from my own head and my own experiences, plus some confirmation from others' experiences.


The number one roadblock to attraction is clinginess. This roadblock applies to both men and women, though I have little experience to speak from a female standpoint.

Girls, it is generally very undesirable to be super-clingy. Guys need time to spend with their guy friends playing Halo and hanging out, just like you need time with your girl friends to go to the spa, or shopping, or whatever it is you do.

Give your guy time to breathe, time to watch movies with his buddies, and time to do his own thing, just like you want time to yourself. Similarly, guys, don't leave her out in the cold all the time and then expect her to be happy with you when you've blown off spending time with her for two weeks straight.

Trying to change him.

Girls, don't try to change the guy fundamentally. It's a bad idea.

In a previous relationship I was in, the girl's Dad was super-strict on appearances, and insisted that if I was to date her, I had to cut my hair. I said no. He didn't like it.

People all around me pressured me to cut my hair, and I said no. Then, they pulled out the "Respect" card, saying it was a sign of respect to him for me to cut my hair for her. Again, I said no. As I have said before, It is NOT a sign of respect to cut your hair for some girl's Dad or anyone else. It's just a sign of submission to tradition.

Also, it is illegitimate to date someone under pretenses that they change for you. The only situation in which one should change for another is if they are actually committed to the other person. And dating does NOT constitute a commitment, at least not one worth changing yourself for.

The only such commitment is marriage.

If my wife wanted me to cut my hair, then so be it. My thought is that the ideal wife doesn't give a rip about external appearances and would leave it up to her husband, but failing that, marriage is the only context in which you are committed to someone else in terms of personal appearances. Thus, girls, don't try to change him for the purpose of dating.

Oh, and this doesn't just apply to hair. This applies to musical tastes, favorite movies, and other such things too. If you genuinely think something the guy watches or listens to is wrong, you can't just say "Don't watch it for me!" Offer an argument as to why he should or should not do something, and hope he listens to logic, if your argument is indeed sound and valid.

Be genuinely interested in "his stuff."

Everyone's heard the TV sitcom wife's complaint that the husband "never listens to me!" or "doesn't care about what's going on with me!" Women, return the favor.

When your guy of choice says, "This video sucks! The cameraman forgot to white balance.," and you don't know what that means, don't just say, "Oh." Ask what that means! Ask what properly white-balanced cameras are supposed to look like and why it works the way it works.

Or, when he says he's having trouble with his Taekwondo form, don't just say "Oh, that sucks." Ask him to show you his form, and what he's having trouble with! Offer to help if you can. Don't just sit and let the things he says float in one ear and out the other, when you want him to listen to you, too. Be genuinely interested in the things he's interested in, or at least try. You'll probably have that one thing that he does or is into that you can't understand to save your life, so let that go. But don't just ignore his life while wanting him to be interested in yours.

Maybe there will be a Part II to this guide. We'll see.