Talking to People Who are Not Even There

ourCOG February 28, 2025 5:52 am Uncategorized 0

“Don’t talk to the people who are not there, celebrate the people who are there.”

―Kemp’s Rule #63

Rule #63 was taught to me by my dad and originates from our years as a pastor.

There will be Sundays that it seems like half the church has stayed home or gone to the beach or the mountains or to any place but church. And that is demoralizing!

But dad taught me that fussing and complaining about the people who are not there to the ones who are is no good. The ones who need to hear you aren’t even there and the ones who are don’t need to hear it!

Instead dad taught me to encourage the ones that were there by thanking them for being there and by giving them my best.

That’s practicing Rule #63.

“The Web is an unhealthy place for someone hungry for attention.”
— The Bed of Procrustes: Philosophical and Practical Aphorisms (Incerto Book 4) by Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Now you may not be a pastor but I bet you’ve experienced this too.

Here’s a recent example: Recently I happened to see a Facebook post from a distant acquaintance. They had posted: “I’ll never trust anyone again.”

I thought, “What am I supposed to do with this!?”

What was happening? Obviously someone had hurt them badly and they were crying “Foul!” But chances are they were talking to someone who was not even there and the rest of us had to deal with their hurt.

Social media is full of this sort of activity. People ranting and railing about someone or something and the irony is the people they’re talking too could care less and will probably never even read their post. But the rest of us–the ones who actually care about them have to manage all the negative regurgitation.

Here’s another common example: Talking to people from our past. People who may not even be alive but their words are still wounding us from the grave.

When we do that we’re talking to people who are not even present but our conversations is affecting those who are.

Bottom line, narrow your focus. Focus on the people who are actually there. That’s where conversations need to occur if you hope to see good things happen.